I can totally relate if you're feeling jealous or just disliking the sight of someone sitting so close to him.
I CAN TOTALLY RELATE.

Updates week 3

Really, past few days were too good to be true. Ever since that talk.
But I haven't react. Haven't confront. Haven't face it.
Im like that, I don't like to face problems. I tend to escape.
All is good,  we had fun, we laughed, we played. ..I love life like this.
But if for deep down inside problems matter, I don't think so.
I really don't wanna suspect anything but you guys are making me suspect things because why will there be a WA group chat consisting of you guys but not me???? You guys are hiding things from me???? Why???
I saw "SOS" was it for me?
Oh if it's for me, no thanks. I really don't need your help, really.  Why are you guys so kind??? No really, I don't need it when I don't need it. I will go to you when I need them, really don't need to bother.

Gff quit dpp, left me alone.  Don't know should I continue when my gpa is like this. Some yes some no, some don't matter.
Idk if it's for me, I won't want to because it will be total wasted if I let go of what I held on for 1 year. I don't wanna give up until you list me valid reasons of why should I.
But a part of me say yes. Yes probably more of because of gff's leaving.  Part of it is because I got bored and didn't have time and whatever shit.
At the last lecture that he attended, he said "goodbye haopengyou" something along the line- to tell me that he's gonna leave me and quit dpp and I'll be alone without him :')
Then just yesterday I confronted him about the dpp whether should I drop or not, then he said "I want you to do what I can't" (also something along that line) which gave me strength to continue and prove to him! Haha

Wenjun brought his camera to school for his gsm and after his gsm we played with it and the pictures turned out good!

I hate how "anyhow" you are when you're taking my pictures. My friends who are rushing, take one picture before they left should take a proper one, don't miss that chance. In the end leh, either you moved the camera or you take picture at a certain angle (which I hated it)
Ugh.

Gsm pranked ppl using shiq's phone and got trolled back. Siying was sitting like near to me but I didn't see her. Used shiq's phone to text her in the end she knew it was me when shiq and I was searching for her in the LT.
TROLLED.

Fwe was damnnnnnn boring. Most boring lecture/module ever. Like storytelling, or like, music to the ears. He didn't even stop us from doing what we're doing and he keep continue like nobody's business. I am very sure that only like 1/5 of the class was actually listening to him.

Ac teacher seems like he has a wig on his head. Not sure thou, not assumed by me but I don't think so la, maybe just too much wax or smth.

What's pcc? Hahaha #jokeoftheday
New scandal: wx and joey. LOL wx is so innocent!

I am very thankful to have you

Dedicate this post to my forever friend

Dearest you, I wanna thank you for always listening to my rants even though it doesn't related to you.

Dearest you, I wanna thank you because you don't judge me (at least I never know) and always have time for me to go out with me even though sometimes we meet like 2-3 days in a week (hahaha) I hope you're not sien to see me so many times XD

Dearest you, whenever I have problems with my friends or family, I always want to cry and hurt myself and have the thought of commit suicide.....but I didn't because I didn't forget your existence. So I will find you, to talk to you, even if it's just purely joke or just about studies...it doesn't need to be about my rants, even talking about the weather with you makes me feel better.

Dearest you, you are the only friend that I hold on forever (if I live forever) and will not let go.

I hope everything's well for you.
Love you.

What's wrong

I have totally no idea what's wrong with the people here.
Its like I've been to a new place with people I know but the people I know changed to people that I don't really know.
The same thing happened to me was like maybe a year ago? When I started liking someone and then THEY start to judge me for idk what freaking reason and then one year later here comes the same story wth

Seriously what wrong have I done to deserve all this things? Luckily its not the whole class if not I might die....
I would, if I could. But I don't wanna let them know that they've won. I just wanna get over it and then graduate smoothly from poly and that's all.

What's freaking wrong with these people - and its only 6 of them, 6 vs 1 are u serious?

Disclaimer: I treated them all as family and although we're not that close I still care about them and let them know that im always here for them if they need someone to talk to or anything.

But I guess some of them just don't deserve my care and concern.
Because I bet for everything that ive done, someone will find the bad point in it.
Because for everything that I say, people will judge every single letter of it.

You know why I'm like that?
Because I need you guys. Besides families, friends are very important to me.
I always assume that you guys are talking bad about me whenever you guys are secretly talking about something and I was not involved.
I will hate you for not telling me what's happening. But I will be sad first, sad that I can't even trust someone that is close to me, at least,  in my own opinion.

Why is it so hard to trust someone and keep the trust and don't betray?
Why?

You know, I thought you were the best among the rest and I thought you were different.
I thought you will defend me, stay by my side, not to believe others, spend time with me, miss me when im gone, etc etc...
But I think im wrong. All the trips that we've made, all the good deeds that I did - like, to introduce you a job and let you meet more friends and earn some pocket money, wait for.you when you were having training......etc etc way too much to list.
And...I really thought you were different.
I really thought I finally found someone that I can rely on, go out with, laugh and chit chat with etc.
真的是看错你了

I never cry, I don't wanna cry anymore and I don't have the energy to cry anymore...
I did, yesterday when you asked me if im okay. Yeah, I was. I was okay with my acting skills until you asked me what happened to me.
I said I thought you guys were angry with me and that's why nobody wanna talk to me, so I don't dare to talk to anyone.
Can you see already how much I need you guys and yet you all are treating me like im sucha leftover, tool etc.

Im tired already, can you guys just give me a break? You know your life sucks when you have to go thru this sort of unwanted drama in school when it's just week 2.

You guys had enough torturing my mind?
Im counting down to my holidays soon...
Please let the time more quickly and let me graduate faster so that I don't need to see them anymore.

I once thought that my clique was better than home because home is where my bed is, my parents are and my workplace besides school.
But now, I think I have enough valid reasons to proof that above sentence is wrong.

Home, is where my parents are. They sacrifice so much for me while sometimes I took them for granted. My brother, although sometimes he brought lots of trouble, he is my only sibling.
My room, though is filled with free stuffs,  it's filled with love because the free things are hand-carried by my dad from the place he saw it to my room. Sometimes I took everything for granted, I forgot mum's favourite food, I forgot that dad's aching back and I forgot bro's favourite chips. Family represents Father And Mother I Love You.
And they always there for you. When you're sick, they buy herbal tea and medicine for you, or even richer, they gave you money for you to go to the doctor which will never be <50bucks.

They say they don't care about you, they still will. Because you are their child. They give birth to you and see you grow. While you're growing,  they are, too. So don't blame them for walking slow when you're rushing. 

As I'm writing the part about family, I cried. I cried because I realised I haven't been doing my part right, to be a filial daughter. I will, promise.
:)

Don't grief on what you don't have, instead, be thankful of what you have and don't let it go.

i dont really know what to feel annymore

It's only week 1 of school and i'm already so tired
And its only a 3-day week (Tuesday was a public holiday and Thursday we are chosen to help out for tte Hybrid Car so there isn't school)
And projects hasn't even started
And it's only week 1
And I only had my longest sleep on Sunday rather than both weekends

Wednesday 16th Oct
School starts at 8 and ends at 6..
During dpp, it was a silent torture because for 3 hours there wasn't any breaks and the teacher keep going and going, dreading to listen in class..

Thursday 17th Oct
Event started at around 10plus when the students reached while we're having our break..
Mediacorp filming in North Canteen with Felicia Chin and another female actress
What we do during 10plus to 12plus was just walk around the tables and check if the students need help.
We kept sitting down on both sides of the chairs (with supposedly meant for the students' teachers)
Take pictures, check for good-looking guys and girls, slack LOL
Lunch
Proceed to stadium for the competition and it was fun! (Somehow I feel like I'm going back to sec school days de sports carnival which also held in stadium :) )
My role was to write down the timing on the whiteboard
Went back to the room and cleared stuffs and we're done.

Bucks @ Northpoint
Swim @ Yishun
Dinner at home.

Friday 18th Oct
Maths lecture and maths tutorial

Saturday 19th Oct
Went to see RM at Jurong Point!! The crowd is crazy!
Went with them and wenjun!

 GOT TO SEE GARY OMG SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lunch @ ljs (too tired alr)

Home, sleep, 833.

Monday/Tuesday

Monday 14th Oct
Woke up at 6:45am for school! Slept at around 1 plus the previous day was talking to zt, gavin, jl and wenjun who kinda made my night when I was down!
Super early i tell you! Then same lor, every morning confirm squeeze with the morning crowd and whatnot..
It was raining on Monday morning (ohyes!) and at every station there are people queuing and forming two straight lines at the two sides of the train door. OMG :/

So rain + crowd + left home late = late for dpp. HAHA got anymore hardworking or not early monday morning is dpp liao! Lucky not super late, when we reached the teacher was still talking about some admin stuffs!

Ahhh should I just drop? No big deal leh, coz the lecturer said that if your gpa can make it to NTU/NUS then dpp will help. But my gpa haiz..

Lunched @ 11plus!

Had RS lecture and PIC lab briefing after that headed home! Was tired + hungry....but hungry won coz I ended up bought the kfc coloney's fillet burger just to fill the emptiness in ma stomach + a mocha ice cream that I found in the fridge HEHE AIYA you know from 11plus to 4/5plus....i cannot tahan :<

Dinner at Sembawang, turtle soup there! Actually wanna eat baimifen for dinner but 8plus already still queuing so long...FORGET IT!

Tuesday 15th Oct 
Woke up at 10:30am for brunch at the delicious duck rice stall!
Walllllllllllllaooooooooooooooooo confirm can sleep longer then dad came in to my room and woke me up saying "eh 11 already leh!" then i looked at him, pointed at the clock, IT'S ONLY 10:30 LIAR

zzzzzzzz then mum and I went chongpang,
she did massage and i went shopping (again), had lontong and we headed to ssc!!!

MUAHAHA massive shopping there although there's not much to shop there!
We first headed to Daiso then we go rounds and rounds and rounds in Daiso and spent 58 bucks haha which means 29 items?? HAHA my sixth sense told me that the total cost was 56 but it was 58, WELL CLOSE ENOUGH!

Then to Giant! Go rounds and rounds again, grabbing all the chips HAHAHA yep I was pushing the trolley like nobody's business :P

The Body Shop was the next stop! hahaha actually wanted to buy the Tea Tree Oil only but in the end with  all the offers and members discounts and everything we ended up getting 2 tea tree oils + Africa shea butter? + Fragrance thingy + a free goodie bag (shower gel, day cream and body butter) HAHAHA then mum say "next time I won't listen to you when you tell me that you wanna buy something!) coz everything I drag her to a place to buy things, we will end up with more of what we wanted to buy :P

Okay that's all for today! Hehehehe bought A LOT OF STUFFSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS which none of them is I pay MUAHAHHA

tears

因為失去而失眠 
多想堅持到終點

從不曾斷了思念 
不顧在愛的危險

盡力在心裡默念
祈求能再愛一遍

知道會傷痕累累我也不後悔

希望上天賜機會 
而我會不顧一切

用盡每天和每夜
再次陪著你流淚

已經瞭解了心碎 
就讓我停止淚水

再愛一遍是最後語言