i miss you.

Just wanna write out what's on my mind lately.

It has been you these days and I have totally no idea why.

For the past few days I realized that I might lost a gem like you.

From the:

• unknown number that called/text me in the middle of the lesson during secondary school
• Meet ups to teach you maths but in the end I never really did (in RP and Woodlands library)
• to the continuous texting until I realized that there's so MUCH overseas charge
• 不放心 cause you're going to China and I flying to Phillipines, and you even typed a paragraph of words just to ensure that if Im bored/miss you, I can refer to that paragraph.
• fight (I don't rmb what were we fighting for)
• comparing of you and jw, and I can't give you an answer (if I remember correctly)
• birthday present on a Friday in the school canteen
• misunderstanding when you put you and your cousin's photo as your Fb profile picture just to protect your cousin 
• upgraded text to Whatsapp 
• still kept in contact when you ended your N Level and I was in Year 1
• was so excited when you said you're entering NYP 
• to the saying "hi" whenever I see you in school (poly) 

I mean, time really changes us since secondary 2/3. 

It has been 3-4 years since we know each other. I guess a part of me missed your presence, your warmth, your concern and your hilarious-ness.

I might be a little too over to put this into a blogpost today even though we both know we are not an item, but I just wanna pour my feelings out a little so that I can feel a little better today.

I remembered, there's actually many times that you asked me to be your girlfriend (either directly or indirectly) but I didn't agree. At that time there were a few reasons why I didn't accept, and I really mean why I didn't accept.

I mean, of course, if this is your first time you will have a million thoughts like:

• what will happen if we're together
• what will other people think
• are you sure I can fit him?
• are you sure he can fit me?
• what if I regret?
• will we still be friends if we broke up?

Questions like this kept lingering in my mind at that time. 

And there were thoughts like:

• "aiya, if he likes me he will definitely wait for me until I accept"
• If I reject and he never leave me then it proves that he loves me.

"I think I might be just 'lack of love'"

Not family/friends/relatives love, but relationship love.

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I don't know why but recently I keep dreaming of you and I have no idea what are the dreams hinting me. Is it telling me to stop thinking about what's not gonna happen or is it telling me about what am I supposed to do or say or act or is it telling me that I should go for it.....

Dream on the 24th December, 2013:

There's a lot of people around me and suddenly my brother and I was brought into a black condo, whole thing black. We were given our rooms and you were in the crowds of the people that were brought into the condo.

After given our designated rooms, we started unpacking. Then I realised that the condo was your house. My brother and I was the guests that were brought into your condo.

When I walked out of the room, I saw many people walking around the corridor and you were in your room, diagonally from mine. I asked for a small bowl and you gave me a bowl and you told me "this bowl can fit 8 eggs/chicken/balls"...