What's wrong

I have totally no idea what's wrong with the people here.
Its like I've been to a new place with people I know but the people I know changed to people that I don't really know.
The same thing happened to me was like maybe a year ago? When I started liking someone and then THEY start to judge me for idk what freaking reason and then one year later here comes the same story wth

Seriously what wrong have I done to deserve all this things? Luckily its not the whole class if not I might die....
I would, if I could. But I don't wanna let them know that they've won. I just wanna get over it and then graduate smoothly from poly and that's all.

What's freaking wrong with these people - and its only 6 of them, 6 vs 1 are u serious?

Disclaimer: I treated them all as family and although we're not that close I still care about them and let them know that im always here for them if they need someone to talk to or anything.

But I guess some of them just don't deserve my care and concern.
Because I bet for everything that ive done, someone will find the bad point in it.
Because for everything that I say, people will judge every single letter of it.

You know why I'm like that?
Because I need you guys. Besides families, friends are very important to me.
I always assume that you guys are talking bad about me whenever you guys are secretly talking about something and I was not involved.
I will hate you for not telling me what's happening. But I will be sad first, sad that I can't even trust someone that is close to me, at least,  in my own opinion.

Why is it so hard to trust someone and keep the trust and don't betray?
Why?

You know, I thought you were the best among the rest and I thought you were different.
I thought you will defend me, stay by my side, not to believe others, spend time with me, miss me when im gone, etc etc...
But I think im wrong. All the trips that we've made, all the good deeds that I did - like, to introduce you a job and let you meet more friends and earn some pocket money, wait for.you when you were having training......etc etc way too much to list.
And...I really thought you were different.
I really thought I finally found someone that I can rely on, go out with, laugh and chit chat with etc.
真的是看错你了

I never cry, I don't wanna cry anymore and I don't have the energy to cry anymore...
I did, yesterday when you asked me if im okay. Yeah, I was. I was okay with my acting skills until you asked me what happened to me.
I said I thought you guys were angry with me and that's why nobody wanna talk to me, so I don't dare to talk to anyone.
Can you see already how much I need you guys and yet you all are treating me like im sucha leftover, tool etc.

Im tired already, can you guys just give me a break? You know your life sucks when you have to go thru this sort of unwanted drama in school when it's just week 2.

You guys had enough torturing my mind?
Im counting down to my holidays soon...
Please let the time more quickly and let me graduate faster so that I don't need to see them anymore.

I once thought that my clique was better than home because home is where my bed is, my parents are and my workplace besides school.
But now, I think I have enough valid reasons to proof that above sentence is wrong.

Home, is where my parents are. They sacrifice so much for me while sometimes I took them for granted. My brother, although sometimes he brought lots of trouble, he is my only sibling.
My room, though is filled with free stuffs,  it's filled with love because the free things are hand-carried by my dad from the place he saw it to my room. Sometimes I took everything for granted, I forgot mum's favourite food, I forgot that dad's aching back and I forgot bro's favourite chips. Family represents Father And Mother I Love You.
And they always there for you. When you're sick, they buy herbal tea and medicine for you, or even richer, they gave you money for you to go to the doctor which will never be <50bucks.

They say they don't care about you, they still will. Because you are their child. They give birth to you and see you grow. While you're growing,  they are, too. So don't blame them for walking slow when you're rushing. 

As I'm writing the part about family, I cried. I cried because I realised I haven't been doing my part right, to be a filial daughter. I will, promise.
:)

Don't grief on what you don't have, instead, be thankful of what you have and don't let it go.