I wish

I wish everyday was like today.
School starts, couldnt agree more to myself that I completely needed sleep coz I can't seems to fall asleep these days. :(
Ending of yesterday really brings me back if not I'll be sucha quiet girl today and everybody will be like "oh so weird"
Im glad im not like that this morning.
Maths was tough.
Didnt know what the teacher is trying to teach until half of the lecture has past.
Okay exaggerated a bit but she was like rushing thru and wasnt even aware of how the weaker students are doing, whether or not they are catching up or if they are having doubts but can't even stop the teacher down.
Yes I gave an example to someone that if the previous maths teacher we had was at speed number 1, this is 5! No joke.
Just because the lecture in the time table is placed on thursday and tutorials are on tuesday, doesn't mean that you should be already rushing things out without even giving us a guideline for this module that we're taking.
If I am going to be a maths teacher in the future I will share my experience of having all the weirdest and scariest maths teachers Ive had. And maths is not a memory subject, it needs patience and practice.
Before maths was okay( well obviously okay) coz we ended up talking and chit chatting away because all the teachers didnt turned up for classes and what's worst...they didn't tell us beforehand. Well this means that I had insufficient sleep which result in sleepiness and what-the-heck-is-she-teaching during maths class. I tried to listen and understand, yes i could,  but the only thing that I dont understand is why she needs to rush.
Pem meeting was held at the afternoon. Pem looks super ladylike today and friends were saying she looks like angel^^
This sem's timetable is alright coz only one 8am lesson-Ohya forgot to mention, friday is FULL. YES FULL.
Fridays are omg longest day everrr although I haven't had my Friday this week.
Coz its 8-12 lessons 12-1 break 1-6 lessons.
The most you will have on friday is the in-between toilet breaks during class :/ ah.
Well saw some familiar faces from slss today! Kinda a handful of them I know are in nyp! ohhey my juniors! Hahaha
I wished everyday was like this

hopelessness

Ok hi guys school's starting tomorrow
What to look forward? Honestly I have no idea.
I'm always jealous of those people who have real friends for them, supporting them, BUT not backstabbing them, judging them at the back, talking at the back, AND THEN act like nothing's happening.
JUST SUCKS.
Why do I have to live this kind of life throughout my so-many-years-of-studying. Whether it's in primary school, secondary school and even HERE, poly. Worst case ever.
Don't people have empathy in them?
Sometimes I don't wanna say doesn't mean I don't want you to ask. If you ask, I may tell. But you guys will never, ever, ask. Concern? Nah, fake concern got la.

About that, I have mix feelings. Any feelings that you can named, I've already experienced them.
Angry;
Sad;
Exhausted;
Jealous;
Regretted;
Tired;
many more.
Just sucks.
Why did you even appear here.
Why.

Felt like I've lost someone, someone so close.
Probably my best friend, my soulmate.
We used to have the world, everyone wasn't sure what are we but we were having fun in our own worlds.
Holidays never make me stop thinking, it has, somehow, worsen the problem.
The last time I talked to you, is on 8 March.
I know I shouldn't be so attached to someone whom only gave me the feelings that I wanted the most.
Should be more independent. You said "it's not worth liking me"
Yea maybe you're right.
I don't know what will happen next.
What is my next move?
I SERIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO LA.


She gave it all, to someone who said "I'll always be here for you"
That's it. From then on, she secretly like him.
Trying so hard not to leak out this secret and pretending to use another nickname to cover up these things that she've done for him.
No sense of anything, she gave it all.
As you've predicted, yes, after some months, he realised.
And yes, she confessed.

Note: she didn't have anyone to talk about. the only one that she have is someone that she's jealous of.
By telling her friend about him, the friend wasn't helping.
YOU'RE NOT HELPING.



--

It's coming, again. (APRIL12)

What's coming up?
Tons of work. Projects. Reports. Presentations. Homeworks.
Mann...a huge wave is coming.
Not to mention about the complicated stuffs that will (may be) happening soon.
I guess changing might helps.
Okay stresssssss
I'll write more.
12 April friday;
Jialing came and did jellies with me yay! Gave her half of it :)
Mixed fruits and lychee for the fillings in the jellies!!!

till then x

human nature | Sum up five days

I am not saying that you're not good enough.
I guessed this is my life; about giving too much, expecting too much in return and then in the end disappointing myself.

I once thought, that doing good is beneficial for both parties.
I don't wanna prove myself wrong cos' I believe that this rule is applied to everyone.
Just because something is not yet here doesn't mean that it's not coming.

Part of me disagree with this.
Some will be like "Why are you believing this shit when it will not happen?"
Others will say "Oh continue believing, it will happen one day"

TELL ME HOW EASY IT IS TO SAY BUT NOT ACTUALLY DOING IT?

ok blank, wait till i accumulate more things to talk about then i'll edit this space.


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4/4 realized that I had been out for four days straight. Like from sunday to wednesday ah ah ah omg
Kinda tired going out, it's okay if you've gotten what you need/want but like.... if it's wasting time outside I would rather stay at home nua on bed, watch running man, blog or like, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
2/4 went to redeem my oh precious laptop. Lenovo why you so many problems haish. If i knew earlier i will get Asus man! Ok maybe (maybe only) try to save to get a new one, walao and cheaper than 1.2k zzzzz luckily my phone is alive and kicking! hahahaha that's my only way out bleh boredom ma what you want me to do ahhhh.
Sunday 31/3 out with bel and raymond (i didn't know bel was cmg initially aiya raymond never tell me hahaha), we went taka coz they wanna get Vans (was having offer @ taka). Yeahh i didn't buy any coz already have three pairs of new shoes hehehe.
Head for lunch lolol funny part was we can't come into agreement on where to have lunch omgg ok in the end went to this idk what's the name of the restaurant, it's some Japanese curry restaurant @ 313 B3 hahaha at corner corner.
After that went to watch GI Joe. Two days after that day i asked lq about that movie he said for the action it's good but the storyline is no-no. Okay...then i was like thinking "huh i thought very nice leh" HAHA
but sadly the movie was unexpectedly shorter than what i thought la!
Proceeding to FEP bel went to find her friend working there, we were almost lost hahahaha three of us were like "i am not a town person" "me too" "me too" HAHA ok we never really lost la coz' in the end we found our way after lots of  "here meh? no la i think there. " "really meh but i think is here leh"
LOLOL everytime i am at FEP i sigh a little coz' all the pretty clothes there are either too small for me if not too expensive hais why like this. I can either become "smaller" LOL or richer. Oh man
Bought dingdingtang there hehehe then raymond was happily eating corn haha. Most hilarious line i ever heard coz we couldn't find seats "eh you go ask the customer service where to find the nearest chair" HAHA
in the end walk a few steps to the left from the customer service TADAAA hidden seats YAY!
Went Causeway Point (ftw!) for dinz hehehe pastamania at b1. Then go home sleep!

Monday 1/4 Swimming with lq (blogged already)

Tuesday 2/4 Went to collect my dearest lappy. Wasn't hungry but managed to grab a few bites of the banana "biscuit" (amazing how i still rmb what i ate a few days ago hehehe) before heading out around noon. So the long bus ride from Yishun to Bukit Timah (always imagining if there's someone to accompany me during the long ride boohoo) Yeah collected so actually planned to cck lot1 for some shopping??? It was raining :( Bus 67 was the one to go to cck but it went off right after i saw it hahaha #badluck but i assume that it's full. So i thought okay maybe i wait for the next 67....the next 67 was so packed and i think only a few of them get in, none got out of the bus. So in the end i took 171 which ended up at Yishun hahaha
Spent 50 bucks at cotton on yishun haha okay better than nothing :P

Wed 3/4 Oh ytd, out with wyl! Legs were almost numb leh. Vivo > Chinatown > Nex > Home. Crazy.
Vivo f21 not open leh :( Cotton On nothing impress me although it's bigger there. Egg tarts and fish soup for lunch haha and a lot of food in between the places we went. Tempted to buy shoessss okay that's not the point hmm we got two pairs of socks and two cute notebooks for jos (bday 7 april). Don't know if it's enough. Chinatown we start eating, first up, the don't know what bao three for 2.50, got beef pork and jiucai. Then wyl went to buy (something that i've never heard before, probably china stuffs) haha and i took two jellies from the shelf :P
Ok then we dk where to go already. Went into this guilinggao shop and ate the guilinggao there. Big one for 8 and small one for 5.5. The saleperson said that it is very good for your health and body, there's even people who eat it everyday!
Next we ended up at nex because she never eat macarons before. Brought her to Nex The Icing Room and she bought three macarons hahaha, caramel, earl grey and something else i forgot. Walked around Nex and went into CO (again) haha ended up bought a pair of jeans for 20.
Before even leaving Nex we go for papaya hahaha fav sia!
Rushed home for dinner mum cooked.

Thurs 4/4 woke up early for gsm registration haha
Woke up 730 wah my eyes cannot open (coz i scared it's at 8)
Checked at 8, not yet open, went back sleep till 855 then wake up for regi at 9.
Sigh up till now i only know that Firdaus yihao and cw same as me omg no one already? Sien
And you're not helpingggg zzz
Watched Rm139 haha so hilarious Gary shouldn't have change his seat in the first place coz' then there will be MC!
Went for lunch at 3 came back home at 4 hahaha did i eat for one hour? Did i?
No la kiddingz
Tmr waking up early again!


Till then x




 

April fool 2013 parrot lq 你好

It will never be the same. Anymore.
I guess so.
Cos people who doesnt belong here are here. The huge wave is coming. Who gave them the permission to? Where am I going then?

I guess I'll have to learn to keep a distance. Maybe not like a silent quarrel thing but its just having is losing u get what I mean.

Where do I stand now.

Not only you. 
Is you you you you you you you you and you. How can people be so fake like as if  the face can be separated into five diff personalities you bullshit

this time you clearly havent had what you want but wait till you know that the one you wanted the most actually fell in love with someone you heard before and never thought that this will happened and you think back about how bad youve treated me just because the one that I wanted the most is easier to reach than the one you wanted so you took advantage of it and went closer to him without realizing that its actually hurting me inside omg what is wrong with you.

"Everybody judges so why bother of the opinions of others?"
Well said but is it always well done?
Will people change so easily just because you did something wrong then BAM someone just threw u a quote and HOORAY the usual you is back. Oh come on nobody will be that quick to change am I right.

Being happy is great but spreading the happiness to everyone is awesome.
Some people are just not worth it.

1/4 swimming with liangqi omg finallyyyyy actually is with yilin but she wasnt free but in the end she went school to get justa cable okkkz cheaper in school...zzz. oh then she met themmmm ok if I was there I dont think they will be so sweet lor tsk bias.

Corn and yoghurt was awesome.  Sprinkled salt and added butter (I think) (not me though, it was celes' s dad) and HAHA sihan was like " nono you cannot give anyone" HE LOVESSSS CORN. Ok how bout yoghurt, I at first thought that it will be creamy pr like tpo milky but I was wrong........its like damn good and hellooooo its homemade leh! Ok then she added strawberries for us and lq ate three of them :( HAHAHA ok two more weeks to school kinda excited though. no more extra thingy plz like those dangling stuffs that are affecting me omg srsly..like emotions and stuffs. Ok must switch back bodyclock ive been waking up at 11plus-12plus latest almost 1pm hehehehe okay good bye :*

Holidays

Feelings...what are they trying to say? Sometimes brain and heart doesnt seem to cooperate. Brain said "You should let go" "ok I will, starting from today!" < how confident was I.
Then when dreams or memories starts to haunt me, heart: "just give it one more try. Believing is free"
I need some time.
But I still believe.

Letting go may not be at a loss, ot may be a chance for you see the wonderful world outside. Dont be trapped.

But I know, my worst enemy is myself.

But I found someone whom I can talk to anytime I want. This is the frienship I wanred the most. I hope u stay. :')

Fix it or leave it

So holidays are here. Best time evaaaaa
Around one and a half months im not gonna see you. I think there are pros and cons to it.
If I would to think of the brighter side, maybe this is the time that I can find back myself and be originally who I am.
4 months, I felt too much.
There is the
1) dont know who to trust
2) jealous for nothing
3) sweet moments
4) late night calls/texts/webcam
5) found out that actually the one who is holding a gun is right beside you
6) fear to accept the truth
7) touching moments and 17th birthday
8) thankful to have *overall* a great bunch of friends around
9) didnt meant to hurt those who are innocent
10) realised that, really, 勉强是没有幸福的
11) fell to easily
12) stressful work
13) Study sunday(s)
14) found my motivation(which might be gone soon)
15) realized that being happy is very easy, but some just tried too hard..

I am very sure that im gonna avoid taking the initiative again. Cos IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER isnt? For four times, all late replies. YOU ARE THAT BUSY UH?
ok forget it.
Dont wanna talk about how sad this could be cos in the end im only poking a hole in my heart which needs 100% care before it shatters again.

Starting April it will be a tough fight, between me and studies. Dont even know  how did I do for the recent exams but I have a strong feeling that it wont be like what ive expected.  Reason? You.

Ive read about horoscope and it says that people who are your sign are stubborn at times, where you know its impossible but ypu still wanna hold on. Lemme tell you, it hurts.
The truth hurts.

Why are you going to please someone that you know is gonna hurt you, soon?
Okay shouldnt talk about this anymore.

ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

Ok to conclude, life might be as fun as it seems but look at how much effort you need to put in before everything's fine, settled down etc. It takes time.

I might need some time to get over it, and not to let it affect my studies anymore.