human nature | Sum up five days

I am not saying that you're not good enough.
I guessed this is my life; about giving too much, expecting too much in return and then in the end disappointing myself.

I once thought, that doing good is beneficial for both parties.
I don't wanna prove myself wrong cos' I believe that this rule is applied to everyone.
Just because something is not yet here doesn't mean that it's not coming.

Part of me disagree with this.
Some will be like "Why are you believing this shit when it will not happen?"
Others will say "Oh continue believing, it will happen one day"

TELL ME HOW EASY IT IS TO SAY BUT NOT ACTUALLY DOING IT?

ok blank, wait till i accumulate more things to talk about then i'll edit this space.


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4/4 realized that I had been out for four days straight. Like from sunday to wednesday ah ah ah omg
Kinda tired going out, it's okay if you've gotten what you need/want but like.... if it's wasting time outside I would rather stay at home nua on bed, watch running man, blog or like, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
2/4 went to redeem my oh precious laptop. Lenovo why you so many problems haish. If i knew earlier i will get Asus man! Ok maybe (maybe only) try to save to get a new one, walao and cheaper than 1.2k zzzzz luckily my phone is alive and kicking! hahahaha that's my only way out bleh boredom ma what you want me to do ahhhh.
Sunday 31/3 out with bel and raymond (i didn't know bel was cmg initially aiya raymond never tell me hahaha), we went taka coz they wanna get Vans (was having offer @ taka). Yeahh i didn't buy any coz already have three pairs of new shoes hehehe.
Head for lunch lolol funny part was we can't come into agreement on where to have lunch omgg ok in the end went to this idk what's the name of the restaurant, it's some Japanese curry restaurant @ 313 B3 hahaha at corner corner.
After that went to watch GI Joe. Two days after that day i asked lq about that movie he said for the action it's good but the storyline is no-no. Okay...then i was like thinking "huh i thought very nice leh" HAHA
but sadly the movie was unexpectedly shorter than what i thought la!
Proceeding to FEP bel went to find her friend working there, we were almost lost hahahaha three of us were like "i am not a town person" "me too" "me too" HAHA ok we never really lost la coz' in the end we found our way after lots of  "here meh? no la i think there. " "really meh but i think is here leh"
LOLOL everytime i am at FEP i sigh a little coz' all the pretty clothes there are either too small for me if not too expensive hais why like this. I can either become "smaller" LOL or richer. Oh man
Bought dingdingtang there hehehe then raymond was happily eating corn haha. Most hilarious line i ever heard coz we couldn't find seats "eh you go ask the customer service where to find the nearest chair" HAHA
in the end walk a few steps to the left from the customer service TADAAA hidden seats YAY!
Went Causeway Point (ftw!) for dinz hehehe pastamania at b1. Then go home sleep!

Monday 1/4 Swimming with lq (blogged already)

Tuesday 2/4 Went to collect my dearest lappy. Wasn't hungry but managed to grab a few bites of the banana "biscuit" (amazing how i still rmb what i ate a few days ago hehehe) before heading out around noon. So the long bus ride from Yishun to Bukit Timah (always imagining if there's someone to accompany me during the long ride boohoo) Yeah collected so actually planned to cck lot1 for some shopping??? It was raining :( Bus 67 was the one to go to cck but it went off right after i saw it hahaha #badluck but i assume that it's full. So i thought okay maybe i wait for the next 67....the next 67 was so packed and i think only a few of them get in, none got out of the bus. So in the end i took 171 which ended up at Yishun hahaha
Spent 50 bucks at cotton on yishun haha okay better than nothing :P

Wed 3/4 Oh ytd, out with wyl! Legs were almost numb leh. Vivo > Chinatown > Nex > Home. Crazy.
Vivo f21 not open leh :( Cotton On nothing impress me although it's bigger there. Egg tarts and fish soup for lunch haha and a lot of food in between the places we went. Tempted to buy shoessss okay that's not the point hmm we got two pairs of socks and two cute notebooks for jos (bday 7 april). Don't know if it's enough. Chinatown we start eating, first up, the don't know what bao three for 2.50, got beef pork and jiucai. Then wyl went to buy (something that i've never heard before, probably china stuffs) haha and i took two jellies from the shelf :P
Ok then we dk where to go already. Went into this guilinggao shop and ate the guilinggao there. Big one for 8 and small one for 5.5. The saleperson said that it is very good for your health and body, there's even people who eat it everyday!
Next we ended up at nex because she never eat macarons before. Brought her to Nex The Icing Room and she bought three macarons hahaha, caramel, earl grey and something else i forgot. Walked around Nex and went into CO (again) haha ended up bought a pair of jeans for 20.
Before even leaving Nex we go for papaya hahaha fav sia!
Rushed home for dinner mum cooked.

Thurs 4/4 woke up early for gsm registration haha
Woke up 730 wah my eyes cannot open (coz i scared it's at 8)
Checked at 8, not yet open, went back sleep till 855 then wake up for regi at 9.
Sigh up till now i only know that Firdaus yihao and cw same as me omg no one already? Sien
And you're not helpingggg zzz
Watched Rm139 haha so hilarious Gary shouldn't have change his seat in the first place coz' then there will be MC!
Went for lunch at 3 came back home at 4 hahaha did i eat for one hour? Did i?
No la kiddingz
Tmr waking up early again!


Till then x




 

April fool 2013 parrot lq 你好

It will never be the same. Anymore.
I guess so.
Cos people who doesnt belong here are here. The huge wave is coming. Who gave them the permission to? Where am I going then?

I guess I'll have to learn to keep a distance. Maybe not like a silent quarrel thing but its just having is losing u get what I mean.

Where do I stand now.

Not only you. 
Is you you you you you you you you and you. How can people be so fake like as if  the face can be separated into five diff personalities you bullshit

this time you clearly havent had what you want but wait till you know that the one you wanted the most actually fell in love with someone you heard before and never thought that this will happened and you think back about how bad youve treated me just because the one that I wanted the most is easier to reach than the one you wanted so you took advantage of it and went closer to him without realizing that its actually hurting me inside omg what is wrong with you.

"Everybody judges so why bother of the opinions of others?"
Well said but is it always well done?
Will people change so easily just because you did something wrong then BAM someone just threw u a quote and HOORAY the usual you is back. Oh come on nobody will be that quick to change am I right.

Being happy is great but spreading the happiness to everyone is awesome.
Some people are just not worth it.

1/4 swimming with liangqi omg finallyyyyy actually is with yilin but she wasnt free but in the end she went school to get justa cable okkkz cheaper in school...zzz. oh then she met themmmm ok if I was there I dont think they will be so sweet lor tsk bias.

Corn and yoghurt was awesome.  Sprinkled salt and added butter (I think) (not me though, it was celes' s dad) and HAHA sihan was like " nono you cannot give anyone" HE LOVESSSS CORN. Ok how bout yoghurt, I at first thought that it will be creamy pr like tpo milky but I was wrong........its like damn good and hellooooo its homemade leh! Ok then she added strawberries for us and lq ate three of them :( HAHAHA ok two more weeks to school kinda excited though. no more extra thingy plz like those dangling stuffs that are affecting me omg srsly..like emotions and stuffs. Ok must switch back bodyclock ive been waking up at 11plus-12plus latest almost 1pm hehehehe okay good bye :*

Holidays

Feelings...what are they trying to say? Sometimes brain and heart doesnt seem to cooperate. Brain said "You should let go" "ok I will, starting from today!" < how confident was I.
Then when dreams or memories starts to haunt me, heart: "just give it one more try. Believing is free"
I need some time.
But I still believe.

Letting go may not be at a loss, ot may be a chance for you see the wonderful world outside. Dont be trapped.

But I know, my worst enemy is myself.

But I found someone whom I can talk to anytime I want. This is the frienship I wanred the most. I hope u stay. :')

Fix it or leave it

So holidays are here. Best time evaaaaa
Around one and a half months im not gonna see you. I think there are pros and cons to it.
If I would to think of the brighter side, maybe this is the time that I can find back myself and be originally who I am.
4 months, I felt too much.
There is the
1) dont know who to trust
2) jealous for nothing
3) sweet moments
4) late night calls/texts/webcam
5) found out that actually the one who is holding a gun is right beside you
6) fear to accept the truth
7) touching moments and 17th birthday
8) thankful to have *overall* a great bunch of friends around
9) didnt meant to hurt those who are innocent
10) realised that, really, 勉强是没有幸福的
11) fell to easily
12) stressful work
13) Study sunday(s)
14) found my motivation(which might be gone soon)
15) realized that being happy is very easy, but some just tried too hard..

I am very sure that im gonna avoid taking the initiative again. Cos IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER isnt? For four times, all late replies. YOU ARE THAT BUSY UH?
ok forget it.
Dont wanna talk about how sad this could be cos in the end im only poking a hole in my heart which needs 100% care before it shatters again.

Starting April it will be a tough fight, between me and studies. Dont even know  how did I do for the recent exams but I have a strong feeling that it wont be like what ive expected.  Reason? You.

Ive read about horoscope and it says that people who are your sign are stubborn at times, where you know its impossible but ypu still wanna hold on. Lemme tell you, it hurts.
The truth hurts.

Why are you going to please someone that you know is gonna hurt you, soon?
Okay shouldnt talk about this anymore.

ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

Ok to conclude, life might be as fun as it seems but look at how much effort you need to put in before everything's fine, settled down etc. It takes time.

I might need some time to get over it, and not to let it affect my studies anymore.

Youve spent SO much time (10months) pleasing someone. Hoping and praying that everything goes according to your plan.
Yet youve found out that actually you're wasting your time (10months).
"Oh well", you told yourself, "everyday is a new chance for something new". Then ended up you hurt yourself again.
You thought you were the best he could ever find, you said that you were his best and nobody is gonna replace you. Well look, he dont even care. He don't care how much you've put in into this friendship and you feel like giving up. "Perhaps giving up is your only choice", there you go ignoring him, ignoring his presence, pretend not to care,  PRETEND that everything's fine.
Until one day he apologised, he found out that how much youve done for him. (REALLY?! U SURE?)
Oh then here comes the heartache and drama and crying and "oh Im so touched".
Ok then your friendship's back. First day everything is perfect. Far from perfect.
How about second day?! Oh you know what.....second day he ignored you. He forgot what he promised. He thought "oh finally these drama has come to an end, okay that's good enough".
For four days straight you were the one taking the initiative to talk, to start the conversation. Who knows? It took so damn long for one reply.
Then you said: "its okay"
"Its okay."
"Its okay."
"Its okay."
"Its okay."
...
Its never OKAY everytime when there's a "its okay."
You felt useless.
You think that nobody cares.
You wanna give up.
You dont see the point of giving in anymore.
Its too hurtful.
There wont be any ending.
Either I end it or you end it.
Tell me why label me as xxx?
Tell me why bother even label me as xxx when you dont even care about how much effort I put in.
I SERIOUSLY dont wanna talk about what GFF, FOREVER LA, "I WILL BE YOUR LISTENING EAR", "YOU ARE A GREAT FRIEND TO ME AND I CANT BE ANY HAPPIER".
You know what, im tired. Really tired of putting in when I get nothing in return. REALLY.
I dont care how you gonna fix this.
No really. At least be thankful?!
There's just too many reasons why I hate you but the innocent side always neutralize the hate. How did it even happen.
Id lied. I lied saying that things had faded away, those were the days that I failed hiding emotions everytime youre there.
But you see, frienship/ relationships isnt balanced if one is plainly a receiver and another one is plainly a giver.

Really. I cant fix you. And your problems. And I know I gave you promises too. Im afraid that I need to tell you the truth is that youre pulling me down. How about you try giving giving giving giving giving giving giving giving giving and giving....................
Until you have nothing to give?

One day before judgement day

Who knows what you know? Who knows what you dont? I dont even know what youre thinking and hiding.
Must be prepared to answer questions that may be unexpected. Of course Im scared that you already know the truth. That might me one of my breaking point in which I will be losing a friend again.
Regretted make permanent decisions with temporary feelings but I just cant help it. I thought we could still be happy like what we've been through. Memories keep haunting and I really regret. Then back to the conclusion that ive made during the past weekends, its so true that for either ways im hurting myself but this way is not as hurtful as the other way although the other way has its own advantages which are very heart warming. 
Where did gff go?
Where did the trust go?
Maybe one day u think about the possibilities that we might have.....then youve missed out too much.
Guessed what she gave you is what I cant give you. Im having the mindset that you two will be together one day. Possible.
Wanna hate you so badly...

I dont know what ive done.  Ive problably ruined the whole thing. Whole friendship. I am sorry to bring this matter up. Im selfish to drag you down as it doesnt even affect you in the end. Its all about my selfish acts which makes me dont know how to face you again.  I still miss you. I still have feelings and im still jealous. Why did it even affect you so much in the first place that makes you wanna talk to me. I mean, ok maybe its a little too obvious that im avoiding but guessed it was my only choice back then. Thinking too much is a bad thing abd making permanent decsions with temporary feelings doesnt only hurt yourself but also hurting another party. I don't know how to face you now even though you tried to talk to me. How should I react? What if it came back again?  What if you ask that specific question which I have not come to a conclusion? What if......
Sorry if it adds to your burden, like again. I tried to stop myself from talking to you because I need to save myself. Im scared of friday.