People

I dont understand people. Understand them. It's hard. I know that I don't know and I won't know what they have been through. Thats why it's hard to understand them. Some may think that by listening, you will understand. But in the end, you don't. Ya, you don't. That must be the reason why I can't understand you. We need time.
You see, some secrets or feelings they only share with someone comfortable. Then you feel like helping but that person denies that he's feeling down. I mean, I want to know what happened when you're feeling down, why can't you just tell me?
Ok well, maybe you don't trust me......or maybe I get this whole thing wrong.
I asked you to chat with her because I know, from my point of view, you're the closest to her.
So please help her cos I can't, I never can.
It breaks my heart to see someone who's acting strong but breaking into pieces deep inside.
I want them to be happy. I want everybody to be happy. Or..only to those who deserve to be happy, to be happy.

Understanding me is another thing. It's hard understanding me. I don't say what I feel easily. I don't have closest friend/s since primary school. Maybe Im born with the disability to keep the friendship long.
I don't know if people are planning to leave me already until now...but I wanna say that I did enjoyed those moments with you till now. The end of 2012. Eradicate those bad memories, everything's good.
Once, I had a best friend...but she left. It hurts. Really. Hurts badly. There's a scar. People dont know how little actions/things/words hurts the most. So they took it very lightly. Very lightly till the extent that nobody even notice what had happened. Is there even a change or a slight difference between you both?  That was one year ago.

Maybe that person whom you thought can be really happy very easily won't have negative thoughts inside.....but you're wrong.
Thought of it and this is how I explain. Cos the bigger the negative number, after a modulus, you'll get a big positive number.
So if it is on a number line, and at 0, there's a mirror, the further you go to the right, the further you appear in the mirror...which means the further you'll be at the left if right is happy and left is sad. The happier you are, the more you cry because of sadness.
They say "the person who appears the happiest everytime hides the most pain inside" it might be true.

Idky but these few days keep dreaming of you. I should stop, right?
I should give up right?
Cos they say "if you love someone you should let him/her go"
But....I need to know whether you have feelings for me. If don't have, I will let you go, to find your happiness. :)

thinking a lot within forty minutes without earpiece on the way home

What's new? Indeed i got used to your two sided face.
I SAW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. SAW.
bitch pleasseeeeeee. what am i to you seriously?
I am, AM, so good to you. What you want from me?
Am I, not good enough for you?
Am I, considered a 'bad person' for you?
Am I?
I don't know why, but the last forty minutes seems so much longer than the usual 40 minutes..maybe its because of the no-earpiece-ride-home-and-its-from-Orchard-to-my-house journey, or is it?!
Not yet bursting out but this can't continue.
I;m still very thankful for what I have.
Thought of this: "You're so busy picking up stars, and did not realize that the ground is shattering"
The truth is, I am not the best person in the world and i won't call myself that either.
What makes you think that you can break me so easily without even lifting your fingers?
Who are you to break me when I myself can't even break myself? I can't even imagine...
Writing out feels much better, keep it all inside my head will bring nothing but nightmares.
Nonetheless I have to say that they are all trapping me inside a box, which my existence doesn't really matter.
Sometimes when dramas start to act up, what I want (at least), is to have an escape button.
I don't exactly know when I need it, but when I need it, I really meant it. It is when everything starts to shatter and I need to mend those pieces together again.......I need my escape button.
What I want is to change someone's life, and make someone feel better ever since he/she know me.
Now I know why I can't seem to solve "your problems", because a listener doesn't even do anything....they only listen. Go in from left ear and out from the right. Great.
That's probably why I don't have the habit of telling anyone my problems, I rather keep them to myself.
Back to the timeline, probably the 36th minute at the bridge, I thought about myself.
I think I'm just a scaredy cat, like what you've thought too, cos' I don't face my problems, i let them go (for this instance). And when it comes again, I write again. You may think that its just plainly stupid but this is how I do.
Sometimes I'm amazed of my capability of pretending. Nobody knows what's hurting inside.
I'm just that good at acting.
So i saw this tweet "I wonder which is more pathetic; people who spread rumours or people who believe in rumours." Both are equally stupid.
Those who spread rumours are those who are jealous of you; jealous of your fame, jealous of your everything, whatever they don't have, they want it from you.
"Go find one yourself la!" You think it came so easy like oxygen in the atmosphere?!
Another tweet which goes "Don't you feel lonely sometime? Like (there) is someone who is suppose to be there, isn't there"
Yeah true that. You said you'll be there.....but EXACTLY HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU SAID THIS TO?
You care for the one that you have feelings for BUT do you care for those who have your back, save you when you're LITERALLY drowning and/or already HALF DYING?!
You don't need to explain.
Sorry I'm just like this.
I guess I'm not the one who've lost you, you are the one that lost me..
I need some time to think again. Never, ever trust these people.

Changes

I don't know why you wanna look at me like this.

Seriously. 

Am I such a bad friend? No I dont think so.

I valued friendship a lot.

Ok, maybe its my assumptions. But you rlly shouldnt do that to me y'know.

Always, i'll be like "Nah, im okay. Just give me a moment and i'll be alright"

Who really understands?

Then everybody will be like thinking.... "Oh she's overacting again. What's new?!" "Attention seeker mode: ON" etc.

C'mon. Who are you to control my mood (definitely i got controlled cos i ain't myself JUST BECAUSE OF U).. Who are you to judge me and my friend. 

Sometimes I just want back my real life. I've been lying to myself that "oh, its because i haven't got used to the new environment" blah blah blah. You see, its been a sem already.

Four months. To summarize the whole four months~

THERE IS A LOT TO SAY.

Overview: 7.5/10

Include works and projects etc: 7/10

With friends 7.2/10

I know there are many people outside that are caring towards me. I never complain, or maybe I just want those who care, care a little deeper...like not so-so surface only.

There are lots of fun with them. A bonded class. What else can you expect? Laughter and fun, joy and jokes. 

Im grateful enough. Thanks for that.