Youve spent SO much time (10months) pleasing someone. Hoping and praying that everything goes according to your plan.
Yet youve found out that actually you're wasting your time (10months).
"Oh well", you told yourself, "everyday is a new chance for something new". Then ended up you hurt yourself again.
You thought you were the best he could ever find, you said that you were his best and nobody is gonna replace you. Well look, he dont even care. He don't care how much you've put in into this friendship and you feel like giving up. "Perhaps giving up is your only choice", there you go ignoring him, ignoring his presence, pretend not to care,  PRETEND that everything's fine.
Until one day he apologised, he found out that how much youve done for him. (REALLY?! U SURE?)
Oh then here comes the heartache and drama and crying and "oh Im so touched".
Ok then your friendship's back. First day everything is perfect. Far from perfect.
How about second day?! Oh you know what.....second day he ignored you. He forgot what he promised. He thought "oh finally these drama has come to an end, okay that's good enough".
For four days straight you were the one taking the initiative to talk, to start the conversation. Who knows? It took so damn long for one reply.
Then you said: "its okay"
"Its okay."
"Its okay."
"Its okay."
"Its okay."
...
Its never OKAY everytime when there's a "its okay."
You felt useless.
You think that nobody cares.
You wanna give up.
You dont see the point of giving in anymore.
Its too hurtful.
There wont be any ending.
Either I end it or you end it.
Tell me why label me as xxx?
Tell me why bother even label me as xxx when you dont even care about how much effort I put in.
I SERIOUSLY dont wanna talk about what GFF, FOREVER LA, "I WILL BE YOUR LISTENING EAR", "YOU ARE A GREAT FRIEND TO ME AND I CANT BE ANY HAPPIER".
You know what, im tired. Really tired of putting in when I get nothing in return. REALLY.
I dont care how you gonna fix this.
No really. At least be thankful?!
There's just too many reasons why I hate you but the innocent side always neutralize the hate. How did it even happen.
Id lied. I lied saying that things had faded away, those were the days that I failed hiding emotions everytime youre there.
But you see, frienship/ relationships isnt balanced if one is plainly a receiver and another one is plainly a giver.

Really. I cant fix you. And your problems. And I know I gave you promises too. Im afraid that I need to tell you the truth is that youre pulling me down. How about you try giving giving giving giving giving giving giving giving giving and giving....................
Until you have nothing to give?

One day before judgement day

Who knows what you know? Who knows what you dont? I dont even know what youre thinking and hiding.
Must be prepared to answer questions that may be unexpected. Of course Im scared that you already know the truth. That might me one of my breaking point in which I will be losing a friend again.
Regretted make permanent decisions with temporary feelings but I just cant help it. I thought we could still be happy like what we've been through. Memories keep haunting and I really regret. Then back to the conclusion that ive made during the past weekends, its so true that for either ways im hurting myself but this way is not as hurtful as the other way although the other way has its own advantages which are very heart warming. 
Where did gff go?
Where did the trust go?
Maybe one day u think about the possibilities that we might have.....then youve missed out too much.
Guessed what she gave you is what I cant give you. Im having the mindset that you two will be together one day. Possible.
Wanna hate you so badly...

I dont know what ive done.  Ive problably ruined the whole thing. Whole friendship. I am sorry to bring this matter up. Im selfish to drag you down as it doesnt even affect you in the end. Its all about my selfish acts which makes me dont know how to face you again.  I still miss you. I still have feelings and im still jealous. Why did it even affect you so much in the first place that makes you wanna talk to me. I mean, ok maybe its a little too obvious that im avoiding but guessed it was my only choice back then. Thinking too much is a bad thing abd making permanent decsions with temporary feelings doesnt only hurt yourself but also hurting another party. I don't know how to face you now even though you tried to talk to me. How should I react? What if it came back again?  What if you ask that specific question which I have not come to a conclusion? What if......
Sorry if it adds to your burden, like again. I tried to stop myself from talking to you because I need to save myself. Im scared of friday.